


Code Milky Green

by virgo_writer



Category: Big Bang Theory
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-31
Updated: 2012-07-31
Packaged: 2017-11-11 03:50:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/474195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virgo_writer/pseuds/virgo_writer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who would have thought the milkiest of greens could bring such clarity?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Code Milky Green

**Author's Note:**

> Set after 5x10.  
> Disclaimer: I don't own The Big Bang Theory.

** Code Milky Green **

“Bestie, you’ve had a significant amount of experience with the opposite sex,” Amy stated clinically as Penny tried not to cringe at the way that it was stated as an absolute fact.  “Do you have any fathom of what this means?” she asked, handing over her phone.  “Is it some kind of romantic endearment?  A proposition for coitus?  I am unsure of what social protocol this is intended to initiate.”

Penny read the message on screen. 

_Code: Milky Green_

“Poor thing,” she said aloud, despite her internal thoughts.  It served him right after all the times he tried to blame it on her corn-husking-super-bugs.  She’d been so busy with work and auditions (and almost getting the part of SororityGirlNo.4 on _Criminal Minds_ ) this week that she’d hardly gotten to see any of the guys, least of all Sheldon who had been out with Amy when she finally found time to stop by 4A.  This time she was completely innocent in whatever ills had befallen the man across the hall.

“It means Sheldon’s sick,” she explained to Amy who looked somewhat disappointed by the revelation.

“Oh,” she said in a small voice.  “Well I suppose that was very thoughtful of him to inform my of his ailment so that I might avoid any compromises of my own immune system,” she said, trying to make the best of the situation.  It was probably the best that she could hope for with respect to Sheldon Cooper.

“I have avoided inoculation with the so-called “common cold” for the last ten “flu seasons” and I would hate to ruin my record,” she added covertly. 

Penny grimaced a little on Amy’s behalf.  Although maybe she would be able to find the positive in what it really meant as well.  After all, a guy like Sheldon didn’t trust just anyone to rub vapour rub into his chest in counter-clockwise circles.

“I think it means he wants your help,” she offered as gently as possible.  “He wants you to take care of him.”

Amy balked at the suggestion.  “And risk contracting whatever illness has taken advantage of his poor defences?” she asked critically.  “That seems unlikely.

“Perhaps I should consult the Relationship Agreement,” she said more to herself, thoughtfully pulling the fodder of paper from her satchel.

“You carry that thing around with you?” Penny questioned.  Her mind briefly wondered what she’d done with her own ‘contract’, suspecting that she’d been using it to cover her coffee table while she made Penny Blossoms. 

“It is important to have the contract on hand in case any disputes arise,” Amy replied as though it should be plainly obvious.  She carefully perused the pages, looking for any mention of the current situation.  “There is no explicit mention of illness,” she noted.  “And I hardly think this falls under “ouchies” and “boo boos”.”

“Seriously?” Penny asked.  “He has a clause accounting for five different end of the world scenarios and he forgot to mention what to do when he gets sick?”

“It does seem that way,” Amy replied, her tone neutral.  “Do you think – “

“Just a sec,” Penny cut in, holding her hand up in response to her now ringing phone.  She could already guess who would be on the other end.  “What up, Moonpie?”

 _“Penny,”_ he responded, sounding nasally and pathetic and not even bothering to reprimand her for use of his grandmother’s special petname.  _“This is your neighbour, Doctor Sheldon Cooper. *cough* I wish to invoke Section 22B of our Friendship Agreement.”_

“Oh, sweetie,” she cooed sympathetically, feeling genuinely bad for him.  “You don’t need to invoke the agreement.  If you want me to come sing to you, you just have to ask,” she teased.

_“Penny, proper protocol –“_

“Say it, Sheldon,” she wheedled.

He sighed loudly on the other end before giving a heaving cough.  _“Will you take care of me, Penny?”_ he asked weakly, finishing with a dramatic sniff.  She could practically see his forlorn expression before her eyes – all big blue eyes and jutted out lip.  She wondered if he even knew what he was doing when he looked at her like that.

“Of course, sweetie,” she responded.  “Me and Amy will be over in a few minutes,” she assured before hanging up the phone.

“I did not agree to this,” Amy said pointedly, eyes narrowed.

“It’ll be fine,” Penny assured.  “You’re a biologist – I’m sure you’ve dealt with worse things than a sick physicist.

“What do you do when one of your monkeys get sick?” she suggested.  She urged Amy out of her seat, happy to see the other girl comply without protest.

“We euthanize them and then autopsy their brains,” Amy replied straightforwardly.

Penny grimaced slightly.  “Okay, so maybe not the best analogy, but my point is still valid,” she protested.  Seeing Sheldon sick still wouldn’t beat out dead monkey brains.

“Penny, I don’t feel comfortable with either of us going in there without protection,” Amy noted as they crossed to 4A.  “This is patient-zero – we need to take precautions until we know what we’re dealing with.”

“It’s just a cold, Amy,” Penny coddled.  “Despite what Sheldon might argue,” she added to herself.  Last time he’d been quite certain that he had Dengue Fever and would not be persuaded otherwise.

“Still,” Amy argued, pulling out a couple of facemasks and latex gloves. 

Penny looked at them questioningly, but in the end decided that it was better not to ask why Amy carried around facemasks and surgical gloves.  “You can have mine,” she offered weakly.

“That is most generous of you, bestie,” Amy replied as she secured her own mask.  “Who knows how long we’ll be in there.  Best to ration the supplies.”

Penny spared a thought for their future progeny (and yes she did know what that word meant thank you very much stupid, Sheldon-y voice in her head).  God help the little rugrat if he or she ever got sick.

“Sheldon?” she called as they stepped inside, ignoring what Sheldon would normally regard as “proper protocol” when visiting one’s neighbour.  His responding, “Bedroom,” was implicit permission to enter.

“How you feeling, sweetie?” she asked, standing near the bedroom door with a gentle expression.

Sheldon glared half-heartedly, not bothering to correct her grammar.  His greyish pallor and the neatly stacked pile of tissues beside him said it all. “Sick.

“I need you to rub vapour rub on my chest,” he said through a stuffed nose, holding out the small pot to whoever would take it.

Amy grimaced and looked at the pot with disdain.  “Recent studies show that the effects of menthol are purely psychosomatic,” she said plainly.  “Sheldon, I expected better of you,” she added.

Sheldon blinked at her a moment, and then shifted his attention away from her completely.  “Penny,” he said pathetically, those big blue eyes widened with exactly the expression she’d anticipated earlier. 

She sighed, taking the pot in hand.  And here she was thinking that Amy would be chomping at the bit for unrestricted access to Sheldon’s chest.  Instead she was turning out to be just as difficult as Sheldon, and she wasn’t even the one currently producing milky green snot.

“Amy, do you want to help with Sheldon’s pyjama top?”

“I’m fine here,” Amy assured her.  She was holding her limbs close to her body, looking warily at a small pile of tissues on the opposite side of the room.

Penny let out another sigh.  “C’mon, big boy.  Take it off,” she said tiredly.  If she hadn’t already worked out that Sheldon was sick, his immediate compliance and lack of even a mild glare in response was a sure sign that Sheldon wasn’t feeling himself.  He undid the top few buttons, pulling the lapels apart in a gesture that probably would have had Amy weak at the knees if not for her sense of impending doom.  Penny thought it a shame that Amy couldn’t see the opportunity in this – he really did have a rather nice chest.

“Counter-clockwise or my –“

“Matty chest hair,” Penny finished for him.  “I got it, Sheldon.”  She perched herself on the edge of Sheldon’s bed (the only time she could do so without receiving a stern warning) and twisted the lid off the container.  Amy made a disgusted retching noise and backed a little further out of the room, and Penny did her best to ignore it as she rubbed the ointment into Sheldon’s chest.

“What kind of soup would you like, sweetie?” she asked him gently, talking so that she didn’t have to dwell too long on her actions.  If she gave herself the chance to think about it, she wouldn’t be able to deny how intimate it was – her fingers drawn over his chest and the slight hitch in his breathing, which she always told herself was Sheldon trying not to flinch at her touch.  It would only remind her that rubbing Sheldon Cooper’s chest was the most action she’d had in months.

Sheldon sniffed loudly and shifted slightly in his bed to give her better access to his chest.  “Vegeable,” he replied, disregarding the need to pronounce every consonant.

“Alright, sweetie,” she cooed, hand stilling for a moment.  “Do you want me to sing you ‘Soft Kitty’ now or after you’ve had your soup?”

“Can’t you do both?” he asked in that patently adorable way he did sometimes when he didn’t really mean to.  His eyebrows shot up at the thought of having to choose, and he looked slightly disgruntled by her limitations.

“Of course, sweetie,” she smiled gently.  She should have known better than to ask.  She let her hand linger on his chest, subconsciously continuing to draw circular patterns into the canvas, as she warbled through a verse of ‘Soft Kitty’.  Sheldon smiled appreciatively, letting her run a hand through his hair before she left the room.

“My apologies for not being more useful,” Amy apologised as Penny made her way to the kitchen.  “I had a disturbing experience with menthol in high school.”

Penny smiled sympathetically.  “It’s okay, Ames,” she said kindly.  “You can make yourself handy in the kitchen while I deal with himself,” she offered with a laugh, directing her thumb back towards the bedroom.

But Amy shook her head, the response surprising Penny.  “Honestly, I don’t think I’m needed here,” Amy said, reading the question in Penny’s sudden frown.  “You seem to have everything covered.”

“Of course you’re needed,” Penny protested, guilt wedging in her heart.  “I can go,” she added.  “I didn’t mean to take over like that and – “

“No, bestie,” Amy cut in, shaking her head again.  “That’s not what I meant.”  She sighed and explained herself.  “Sheldon doesn’t need me here.”

Penny opened her mouth to protest, but Amy continued before she could.  “Sheldon merely informed me of his present incapacitation,” she said plainly.  “You are the person he asked to take care of him.

“It is quite telling,” she continued thoughtfully in what Penny came to think of as Amy’s ‘science-y’ tone.  “The people we want around us when we are at our worst.  Who he wants to sing his song and make his soup – we all have our rituals.”

“I’m sorry, Amy,” Penny said, feeling immeasurably guilty.  It was nothing that she could have helped, and it certainly wasn’t her fault that Sheldon had chosen her to be her dogsbody for the day.  But she felt guilty all the same.

“Amy . . .” Penny offered gently, racking her brains for something that she could say to Amy to fix this.  “It’s . . . maybe I should go,” she offered once more, sure that she shouldn’t be there.

Amy smiled wanly, something ironic in the weak movement of her lips.  “And deprive Sheldon of his rituals?” Amy asked her.

“You could do it.”

“No, I can’t,” Amy said sombrely.  “That is to say . . . while I am physically capable . . . I do not think my efforts would be as positively sought.

“ _I_ should go,” she finished, emphasising the directive with a movement towards the front door.  “You should stay.

“That will make him feel better.”

\--- 

Later, once Sheldon had finished his soup and Penny had sung him another round of soft kitty, the theoretical physicist made himself nice and cozy in his blankets and prepared himself for sleep.

“Thank you, Penny,” he said sleepily, his eyes half-closed.

Penny smiled gently, pressing a kiss to his crown as he drifted off to sleep.  “You’re welcome, sweetie.”


End file.
